During Amy's memorial service in Omaha, her dear friend, Caroline, shared memories of Amy. She said that after Amy had been married a year, Caroline asked her what she had learned about herself and Amy said, "I realize how selfish I am." If you knew Amy well, you would not come up with 'selfish' if asked to pick 10 adjectives to describe her. I had to follow up with Caroline and ask if she could explain what Amy meant by that. I hoped that Caroline would say something like that after being married to such a selfless guy like myself, Amy realized how selfish she was, but not surprisingly, she had a more plausible explanation: "As I recall, she meant that the day to day of being married revealed how many choices she had been making (in life so far, before marriage) to do as she pleased, to satisfy her preference, in ways which she never realized until someone else’s needs and desires became part of her life on a daily basis. Would she let go of her preference, or insist on her way in details of life? Would she discipline her heart, or allow herself to indulge in (unseen) irritation over choices you might make in dealing with the day to day which were different than her habit? Submission reveals selfishness instantly and thoroughly. I think it revealed more than she expected, and was a greater battle than she had prepared for. It was also clear she was determined to face that challenge and overcome it, by God’s power and her surrender. I remember thinking if she was struggling with selfishness in marriage, then I was terrified!"
That made perfect sense to me as now I can be 'selfish' again. I can decide what we are having for lunch without asking, and can buy anything I want without concern whether or not Amy would agree it was a good use of our finances, or leave my deodorant on the counter. I can see why people who marry at older ages have difficulty with adjusting to living with someone else. I used to think that was kind of a silly excuse, but I had always had a roommate. Amy must have listened to herself about being selfish because she was anything but. She was incredibly easy to live with.
